Welcome to Tokyo, Japan. January, 1991. The world has entered the technology era, portable phones, home computers, internet, video games. Japan quickly became the epicenter of the latest and greatest. Companies and factories flourished. Where money was, people followed. And while many rose to live a comfortable, happy, and delightful life from this new found money... Others did not. You see, money has this effect on people that can't be outdone. People will do anything for it. And when it starts slipping into the wrong hands, it's impossible to stop. Benethe the day time laborers and the double-shift workers, a seedy underbelly of syndicates exists. Narctics, black market, organized crime, money laundering, you name it and it's been growing as fast as the upper world economy. While many do it just to stay alive, there's those who make it their posh lifestyle. Either way, there's only one question. What would you do if the money was good enough?
JAN 29 2021: Welcome!! ƎLEMENT has been open for two weeks now and we're so happy to see such a bright beginning! If you're new feel free to drop into the discord and say hi before joining.
Be my healer; please don't leave me here [break] Beneath the storm cloud and heavy atmosphere
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it to the back of their throat. They muster up all the saliva they can manage and swallow it roughly down. There’s a slight resistance that comes when one doesn’t hydrate enough, or follow up with water, but Katsuki has no issue with it. They’d take fistfuls of various medications, and swallow them dry. This was nothing for Katsuki, but knowing they had something more than nothing, the anxiety releases from their shoulder before showing their tongue to Seiichi, to prove the pill swallowed in an almost teasing manner. [break][break]
“You’re a docile one.” [break][break] “Only when I need to be.” [break][break]
With a twisted smile, one more comfortable, they continue to listen to Seiichi as he tangles all the possible treats – rewards – before them. They give him time to explain, finish talking. Katsuki wants to hear what he has in mind. Katsuki has a feeling they know, and listening to Seiichi offer abode, and work, Katsuki knows that they are right. Seiichi wants exactly what Katsuki has to give. What a beautiful balance, Katsuki thinks. It’ll get them through the night, and likely more to come. They’re right to remember Seiichi. [break][break]
“Well then, consider me all yours,” Katsuki quickly agrees. They don’t linger on caution, but instead take to confidence. They shrug into their shoulder, looking between the pills so close they could just reach out and touch them, and the man Katsuki decides is interesting enough to abandon any alarm bells in the back of their mind. Chattering they take a slow breath, before raising their eyebrows. “Well, I would like to get out of the rain sooner rather than later, but that’s just me,” Katsuki can’t help but jest in addition.
Be my healer; please don't leave me here [break] Beneath the storm cloud and heavy atmosphere
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Katsuki knows themself to be smart, follow along where necessary. They weren’t a doormat, but they sure were a people pleaser, and with good reason. It’s easier. They know how to please, to avoid trouble and conflict. They’d be happy to go to any lengths necessary to get what they need. However, they can’t help but soften at the insinuated praise. They’d been good. Even if Seichii didn’t say it, reward was for praise. He’s gentle in that moment and Katsuki can’t help but crave more. They could please this strange man, and there was a strange euphoria to that. To be fair, it’s what kept them going in their line of work aside from the money or the drugs. Validation, praise for a good job well done. There’s something comfortable about working for others, meeting their every demand, and Katsuki doesn't plan on stopping that anytime soon. [break][break]
So, they don’t reply with words this time. They listen to Seiichi’s command. Despite the chattering of their teeth and the freezing cold that wants to keep their jaw locked tight, they part their lips. There’s no fight, no questions. They just allow their tongue to lull softly on their lip, sticking it out for the other man to place the drug onto. They’re almost submissive. They listen to their short-term savior’s words. In this moment, all that existed was to live to Seiichi’s demands. Listening would give them reward. That much they knew in general, but it seemed Seiichi valued this obedience. They’d do it a thousand times again to get the things they want. Katsuki tells themself that they’re only doing this for the drugs, for personal gain, but they’re intrinsically fascinated by the man placing the drug in their mouth. They could delude themselves into thinking they’re in control, but was unlikely to realize the reality of the situation.
Be my healer; please don't leave me here [break] Beneath the storm cloud and heavy atmosphere
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They feel frozen in place, locked into the eye contact. Even as he smiles, Katsuki’s eyes do not leave his. They know they should question his motives more, as he begins to talk. They’re fully aware of the warning ringing in the back of their mind. They choose to ignore them. They don’t care to hear thoughts of caution anymore. They know the things they do are dangerous, and they would likely remain that way until the day they died. That day might not even be that far off, even if they allowed it to natural causes. So really, what was the point in heeding a warning? For the chances things would get better? Those chances were so slim, they may not exist at all. Not for someone like Katsuki. [break][break]
So, they smile hearing the other’s name. Seiichi. It didn’t sound like a fake name, but they question its validity regardless. They scan Seiichi’s features once again, taking in everything they could through the foggy lens of their mind. Katsuki remembers Seiichi. They make sure to remember everything they can. Seiichi is someone to remember, Katsuki thinks. Especially as they watch the man’s fingers make their way through to the drugs displayed before them. They shake, but they feel steady as he talks. This was the beginning of something Katsuki thinks they can play. Do whatever it takes to get the drug; the same game they play every day. [break][break]
“Easy. Katsuki. Some people call me Tsuki. Although, I’ll respond to most designated nicknames,” they respond casually. They’re not willing to give Seiichi their full name, not until they knew his at least. They sigh, ready to word vomit the details of their illness. “Endometriosis. It’s surprisingly common, but there’s minimal research on it, no specialization on it, and can even turn cancerous. A tissue similar to the uterine lining grows as tumors, usually around the reproductive system,” they begin, using their shaking hands to gesture as they explain. Katsuki allows their hands to rest on their lower abdomen. “For me this presents as severe, debilitating abdominal pain, severe lethargy, weakness, digestion complications, sciatic pain, and other various wearing pains. Sometimes I wouldn’t even be able to get out of bed if I'm not high,” they explain, listing one thing after the other. Again, they seem unenthused, lazily going through a readied script. It’s something they explain often, and it’s boring. They’re bored of being sick. That’s why they like being high. It stimulates them, frees them from the cage of illness. [break][break] “What’s next Seiichi? What else do you want to know about me?” They query, tilting their head. They watch him curiously. Not many dealers were particularly intriguing to Katsuki, but there was a mystery to Seiichi that had them happy to play along with whatever Seiichi wanted. Perhaps they would learn something interesting? Would they get to learn Seiichi’s character? What about them had Seiichi so interested in them?
Be my healer; please don't leave me here [break] Beneath the storm cloud and heavy atmosphere
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Katsuki’s eyes divert away from the discussion of choice. They knew entirely well that the other was correct, however they couldn’t bring themselves to face that. They couldn’t even remember what they were thinking in the moments they’d awoken. Everything was foggy. There was only so much brain fog they could avoid when the sensations of their body demanded so much attention. So instead, they just continue to listen. They can't help but watch the other’s features. The way his muscles kept his lips tugged up in some strange smile. He can’t help being entertained and Katsuki was fascinated by that. [break][break]
“So they left you. I wonder why.” [break][break]
Katsuki shakes their head sheepishly. “No, it’s not their fault. Our distance is on me,” Katsuki clarifies and defends. Their fingers fiddle with each other mindlessly. They rub together in worry, thoughts of guilt wondering what they could do differently. They know their mother would be there for them in a heartbeat if they could just admit to weakness, that things weren’t fine. Things hadn’t been fine in a very long time. Nobody that asked could know that though. Katsuki didn’t show the side of themself that was presented before the purple coded character adjacent them. What was it to mean, that this man met Katsuki like this? [break][break]
They hum in agreement. Adventures were something fantastic. Even if Katsuki could never revel in their sporadic plans after the fact, they remember the bliss they felt. “I enjoy making the best use of my newfound freedom. I don’t feel well all too often. So, when I do...” Katsuki pulls a grin. They think fondly, smugly about the various things they would get up to. They would feel so alive. Their breath steadies for a moment as their mind brings their attention back to a better place. They moisten their lips, as their gaze drifts further past the man. They sigh in longing, before allowing their attention to the other’s words. [break][break]
The little bag captures their line of sight, and it’s clear with the way their eyes widen. Their shoulders relax, and the tension is gone from their body for a brief moment. The relief of knowing it was there. This was an option. That alone, Katsuki could breathe for a second. Their eyes soften looking back into the purple contacts, they watch the words on the man’s lips. [break][break]
“Of course, I know what they are, the psoriasis is just the tip of the iceberg. The first time I took opioids it was prescribed,” Katsuki replies, intent as they look at the drugs before them. They’ve leant forward slightly, subconsciously trying to narrow the gap between them and possible relief. They look closer at the other man, moving their knees out of their way. They want to understand him, and they look closer, closer, to see if they can notice anything new. “Who are you? What do you want for that?” Katsuki gestures with their eyes, to the obvious subject at hand. “Surely you want something in return.”
Be my healer; please don't leave me here [break] Beneath the storm cloud and heavy atmosphere
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“Psoriasis. It’s an inflammatory autoimmune disorder. It’ll flare up to any abrasion of my skin, or in areas too warm. Doesn’t hurt, not to touch. Just itches when it’s irritated,” they explain almost plainly, matter of fact. They’d said it a thousand times before. This time was no different, just defaulting to a pre-prepared response. They didn’t even have to think about it anymore. Katsuki untucks themselves a little, allowing their knees to unlock from their position, although still held fairly close for warmth. They lift their hand and wiggle the lanky digits, each joint popping and cracking with every little movement. “It even inflames my joints, gives me a kind of arthritis. That hurts like a bitch,” they compare, with some form of humor, as weak as it may be. Katsuki pulls their hand back to themself, holding it close to their chest, trying to tuck their arms behind their legs. [break][break]
Katsuki doesn’t even really bother to question the other’s queries. They don’t bother to ponder his intentions. They don’t really care. Taking interest in a delicate skeleton in the streets, it wasn’t that strange a concept to them. Yet they watch his face closely. There’s a certain coolness to this mysterious stranger, Katsuki notes. It’s not just his aesthetic that intrigues them, but the way this man held himself, the way he talked and the way his face formed certain expressions. He seems so casual but in a way that alludes there’s a level of complexity, perhaps of control, working behind his exterior. Katsuki wonders for a moment what it’s like to be there, in this man's mind. They cannot imagine it however, trapped inside their own thoughts. They internalized this overwhelming sense of doom, a finiteness that they can’t escape. But they could, had they the supplies to do so, they think. [break][break]
“So, you’ve chosen to be here instead? How fortunate you must be to have that choice,” Katsuki returns, eyes narrowed slightly, but not so committed to the malice they presented. With a heavy sigh, although shaky, they shrug it off. [break][break] “For that to happen, they’d have to find out about it first. They’re not exactly around to really worry about it,” the return a little sour. They can tell there was almost purpose behind the purple-haired man’s words and they respond to it regardless. It doesn’t bother them to be provoked into response. There’s a small part of them to not be so giving of information to a complete stranger of unknown intentions, but it’s shrugged off into the back of their mind. Katsuki didn’t bother worrying themself with such things anymore. Their end would come eventually in one way or another, likely soon, so what did it really matter? “Besides, not exactly my choice to wake up here. When I feel... better, I tend to go on adventures, but I have to crash eventually, don’t I? I don't even know where I am, fun fact.”
Be my healer; please don't leave me here [break] Beneath the storm cloud and heavy atmosphere
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Katsuki is trapped in their own mind. There was no one wandering the streets in this weather. Nobody would stumble upon them, surely and they would be left to wait out the pain flare and find somewhere to go alone. Nobody would save them, pick them up. No matter how much they wished and pleaded to the silence of the universe, they would be met with the emptiness of the void. The unending void that would continue to consume them. Their mind, their body, deteriorating while they were left to fight it on their own.
[break][break]
“You know, even if you peel off all your skin, it’s not going to grow back stronger, little sheep.”
[break][break]
They are startled from their dissociative trance, face peeling from the safe haven of their knees – hidden from the world. Swollen eyes are met with eyes of a faux purple colour. Katsuki finds themselves lost in the details of the other’s contacts, making out the faint details they could in the dark. They suppose they were like a sheep. Frizzy bleached white hair clinging to the equally pale tint of their skin, so lost in the moment, with no guidance to follow blindly. What they would give to have someone take them by the hand, know just what they need, take them to a place where things are better. Their eyes peel away from the other’s who looked with an expression of intrigue. The darker iris’s fall to look at the damage they’d done to themselves. Rashes came up in spotted reds where there hadn’t been enough abrasion to tear the skin, to slowly seep just enough blood to feel something within their own control (although, how much control did they really have? Likely, not a whole lot.)
[break][break] “No, it’ll just grow back in scabs, itchy scales and other forms of equally irritated skin anew,” they croak out in response. The remaining tears simply blend with the rain, but their hiccups and sobs pause in the presence of another. While they make no effort to put themself back together, they can’t express as freely as they could alone. Their body rattles with another shiver, unable to pause the shaking. It was no warmer now than just moments before.
[break][break] “What are you doing out in the rain? Shouldn’t you be at home, snuggled up tightly after a fulfilling day?” Katsuki queries with a drip of venom – jealousy, assuming that the world must be doing better than them at something. They look back up to the other, teeth chattering between heavy breaths. The air felt so thick to breath, trying to just grasp at the oxygen between the rain that just wouldn’t let up.
Be my healer; please don't leave me here [break] Beneath the storm cloud and heavy atmosphere
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It's so cold. The water reflects the streetlamp’s hues as it falls from the sky. Each drop seemed louder than the last. Pitter patter. They bounce off tin roofs, they splatter as they hit the ground. The world is doubled in the image of the puddles, constantly rippling. Always disturbed. It seems so serene, yet so chaotic – overwhelming – all at once. With every water drop splashing against their skin, a shiver would follow. It was so cold, but they couldn’t move. They felt paralyzed as they just watch the rain fall. Fall onto the world; the trees, buildings, pathways and roads. Everything was entrenched in this shivering hell. [break] [break] Katsuki’s mind was foggy, as they curled up tighter in the barely covered alleyway. They were stuck and didn’t know what to do. Rain fell on them, no matter how tightly they huddled up to the wall. It just wasn’t enough. Was anything really enough? Were they enough? They hold their head between their hands, face hidden in their knees. Their thin frame shakes, violently. What would they do? [break] [break] Their body throbbed from head to toe. Each joint creaked with displeasure. They could feel the inflammation in their bones. It was like they were swelling, burning from the inside while their skin was cold as ice. Their abdomen throbbed. It felt like someone was reaching up inside them and trying to pull their misplaced womb out of their body. Their skin itched with irritation, inflamed skin scaley and itchy to touch. The rain stinged at the open scratches along their arms and chest, unable to keep their nails out of their flesh. Being in this body was a nightmare. They felt so trapped. [break] [break] Katsuki hadn’t enjoyed being woken by the rain, having crashed out in a park doped up on opioids yet again. Their head hurt, it felt distant, detached, yet the throbbing kept them grounded just enough to feel every unpleasant pain their body had to offer. They felt like they were dying, yet no one cared enough to help them. Their illness wasn’t terminal, but the distortion in their mind was sure on track. There’s nothing more to do, the doctors would tell them. It wasn’t good enough. Was Katsuki not worth the effort of treating? If they would at least help them manage the pain, maybe they could be better. [break] [break] Yet here they were, sitting, rotting in the rain, with nowhere to go. They didn’t even know where they were. They couldn’t even bargain with themselves; ‘just make it down the road, and you’ll be somewhere warm and safe’. Katsuki was failing at life in every way they could imagine. They were failing the studies they’d once been so eager to begin. They struggled to keep contact with their family. They’d turn to illegal ways of getting by, dependent on the illicit drugs to free them from the hells of their body and mind. They’d fallen so far off track just because of one change. Illness had drove them insane. It had isolated them. They were alone. [break] [break] Katsuki’s nails claw at the exposed skin, trying to just hold themselves together as they sobbed into their knees. The pain was too much. Living like this was too much. Lost and alone, they had no idea what to do with themselves.
[attr=class,lyric1] So now you've done a little wrong And you
[attr=class,lyric2] swear you didn't do it
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Katsuki often felt like a failure these days. They’d do what they could to make ends meet, do whatever they could to survive. Everything was a mental and physical drain unless they were stimulated by some illegal substance. Hence why they were failing class. They were missing more classes than they ever had, between the days stuck in bed and the days they had to quest out to find a way to afford to live. Some of the work they could manage to bluff their way through – they picked psychology because they were good at it after all – but some things they just couldn’t figure out. Statistics. Psychology had a surprising amount of math in it, Katsuki had discovered. Math was not their forte and missing the classes on the mathematical equations for statistics had been something of a setback.
[break][break]
An acquaintance of Katsuki’s mentioned perhaps considering tutoring. Said person said that they knew someone that would be able to help. Katsuki didn’t really want the help, knowing they would likely fail anyway. They insisted Katsuki at least gave it a go. So here they were, a week or so into tutoring with Shimizu-san. She came off as a bit shy to Katsuki, and they couldn’t help but wonder why she’d extend her tutoring services. It was a bit awkward to begin with, especially because Katsuki wasn’t particularly motivated to learn. They were fiddly, irritable, daydreaming as she explained things to them. While she definitely seemed irked by their lack of attention or attempt, there was only so much push that she could give them. They just weren’t that interested. They’d go, knowing full well they should but once they were there, they couldn’t help but bicker playfully to avoid answering questions, or space out because their abdomen felt like it was pulling in on itself with the force of a blackhole.
[break][break]
After a particularly draining attempt at being tutored for Katsuki, they found themselves some relief. The coffee cart guy was fairly reliable with his supply – absolute legend. So, after a smoke they wander around the campus in some lesser populated areas, with no real intent. Perhaps they would find something to keep their interest for the rest of the day. Katsuki would quite regularly do such things while they were high. They just wanted something new, something fresh. Something like Shimizu-san looking particularly cautious as she wanders through the parking lot. Now, Katsuki was pretty good at reading people and she was keeping an eye out for something. What was she up to? Was she not as straightedged as they may have thought? They duck out of sight as best they can, a little more able bodied now that they were inebriated. Katsuki wanted to get a bit closer to her, see what she was up to. They watch her cautiously climb into a car, a car that was generally not what you’d see just driving around. With a few steps they’re closer, and they pop up from behind a neighboring parked car.
[break][break]
“Hello Shimizu-san! What you got there?” Katsuki hops their way to stand by the hood of the car. They’re a little more excitable than they usually seemed in front of the girl. They tilt their head, taking a few steps around the car, inspecting it. Now Katsuki wasn’t exactly someone who knew even jackshit about cars but this had a particular vibe. They park themselves outside the driver’s side and smile wide. Leaning forward with their hands behind their back they really cannot help but grin. “This isn’t legal, is it? Shimizu-san.”
These pills will help you remember how to smile... But what does he know?
Katsuki wouldn't say it all began when they were born. It was not an issue by any means of the word. Things went smoothly and they were born a healthy, baby girl. There was nothing wrong. Their parents were happy. They were in love. They were ready for a child. Katsuki never saw any issue with their upbringing. Yes, there may have been an unsettling feeling that they lacked the concept of being a girl. There was no real adversity for it however. They were free to express themselves as they wished. Their parents never judgemental of their daughter's requests for hair cuts and shorts. They were a doted on, loved, only child. They may not have been well off, but they gave the world to Katsuki as long as they could. Even through their divorce, Katsuki's father leaving, it was quiet, peaceful. It never seemed an issue. Katsuki stayed with their mother, and still had regular enough contact with their father. Katsuki didn't consider themselves hurt in their childhood, but instead cared for, supported despite all the little hiccups. The positives always outweighed the negatives. [break][break]
Even coming out was nothing. It was just a normal part of the progression of adulthood for them. They were respected. It wasn't until years later when they're moving out of home to study that anything becomes notable. Their first year studying went smooth. Psychology; Katsuki was good at it. They were really good at it. They were comfortable with themselves, and the way they presented. They worked part time, and did pretty alright supporting themselves with what little they had out on their own. There wasn't anything wrong. Except they started to falter. It started with one missed class. It became a couple forgotten deadlines. It became oversleeping. It became cramps, and missed activities. It became being fatigued at work. It became underachieving and looking back, Katsuki knew something was wrong. [break][break]
It became chronic illness. A question that Katsuki was constantly looking for an answer for. Six months into this being an issue, they are questioning doctor after doctor, just asking for a diagnosis. All they got was prescription after another, but no real help. It was hard, as they fell further behind and eventually had to leave their job. Things became harder to do with each day that passed, the pain in their abdomen making it impossible to move. With each day that passed, Katsuki would have to fight harder for help. It was difficult with the limited funds they had, primarily relying on their parents. They needed more money. They needed better medication. A friend on campus suggested smoking weed. Katsuki felt like there wasn't anything to lose, got the contact and see what they could do. This way they could function, they managed to work casually, get a little bit of extra cash. The cost of the drug was too high however, so it started with little favours, like making deliveries, to offering their body for use. Honestly, they were mentally prepared to and willing to do these things. It paid for the escape from the prison of their own body. [break][break]
Time passes and things continue to progress. The got sicker, they got diagnosed with Endometriosis and told that the doctors weren't quite sure how to help them. Katsuki's skin becomes scaly and they're diagnosed with psoriasis. They begin taking pills for that and then the lack of mobility brings pain in their joins. They're told it's probably arthritis but as someone still so young, barely in their twenties, they're not taken very seriously. They start failing their classes as they miss them consecutively. Katsuki stopped spending the little energy they still had on things like their education, or relationships with their parent's across the country. They'd use it to hang out with people, do drugs. Soon enough they find connections that would give them extra money for various tasks. When their body would allow, Katsuki was willing to do anything. Whatever errand needed doing, no matter the risks, Katsuki found themselves happy to do it. Betrayed by the medical system, and the lack of help as they felt their body deteriorate, Katsuki wasn't afraid of anything. Somewhere in the years of these illness's they learned to accept death as an inevitable fact. It was likely to be premature, and they couldn't see themselves making it past 35. Katsuki was happy to do anything for the right price.
