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—舉杯邀明月

In Kabuki-cho, it is not his story that is widely known but that of his mother, who was one of many Taiwanese immigrants in the district. She had been working as a call girl until, in one night of carelessness, she got pregnant by one of her clients. For reasons known only to her, she decided to keep the baby in secret and was able to carry it to term. But her luck ran out by the time she’s giving birth. Ying, Eiji’s mother, gave birth alone; and although the baby was born safely, she died from after birth complications a mere hours later.

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Such a story—of a prostitute getting pregnant by a nameless, faceless man; of a woman giving birth alone and dying from it; of a baby orphaned not a day into their birth—was still considered tragic in those days. In 1961, it was only five years after Kabuki-cho was fully turned into an entertainment district by the many Chinese and Taiwanese population in Kabuki-cho. Eiji’s mother circumstances were not yet common back then, and it sparked a lot of debates of whether or not it had been wise to turn Kabuki-cho into a red light district.

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The controversies had lasted for a while, but when they finally died down, the unnamed baby in the newspapers had been swiftly adopted by a Taiwanese underground businessman named Xu Gongjia. He gave the Eiji both a Japanese name and surname, as it was widely agreed among the Taiwanese community in Kabuki-cho that Eiji’s father is a Japanese man.

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The man who adopted Eiji is known for his elusiveness. Xu Gongjia is close friends with none other than Li Yiwen himself, a man that was dubbed as one of the three men who had invented Kabuki-cho. A charming but relentless businessman; Gongjia is the kind of man who seems to never take anything seriously yet treats people without mercy. On paper, he has a lot of legit businesses, but he has a hold on so many black-market dealings that he might as well be a yakuza. Gongjia’s relationship with the local yakuza is good, as both parties benefit each other. But there is an undeniable tension that has been going for more than forty years.

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Eiji never knew why Gongjia decided to adopt him when the man has remained unmarried. But his reason didn’t matter. For a long time, Gongjia was all that Eiji knew. Their relationship is a strange one. On paper, they are a family, but Eiji has never thought of him as his father. Nor has Gongjia called him his son; from the beginning, he taught Eiji to refer to him only by his name. A lesson in politeness replaced any kind of familial warmth; desire for affection, if there was ever any, was only duly regarded.

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Theirs is a relationship that could only be maintained with a strict discipline. But there are times where Gongjia seems to be caught by a moment’s tenderness; and when that happens, he would call Eiji ‘Ying’er’. As a boy, Eiji was well behaved and grew up without problems; he did well in school, kept a few friends, even once belonged to a sports club. It was a childhood as normal as living with Gongjia allowed.

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For his decision to join the underground business world once he’d finished high school, Gongjia once referred to him as a misspent youth. Ying’er, you are wasting your life, he said to him, though in the end he did not stop him. But joining Gongjia in the underground business is the only possible choice in Eiji’s life. For salvaging him from the floor when he was a newborn, Eiji owes Gongjia his life; and though Gongjia never once mentioned his lifelong debt, Eiji will always follow the man, so he could be of use for him. And must all lives be lived to the fullest? Suppose a meaningless life has a place in this world too?

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And what a life Eiji has, as it has proved to him that rather than a straight line, it is, in fact, a circle—as an underground businessman, what separates him from the people who let his mother become a call girl in the first place? Nothing could erase his feeling of guilt, and his inability to let go pushes him to search for his mother’s face in all the call girls who work under him.

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But this is just as well. Because he, who ended his mother’s life with his own, does not deserve a peaceful life; and therefore should not be allowed a moment of respite. More so than to Gongjia, it is to his mother—beautiful, young and dead—that he is indebted to; and it is a debt that can only be repaid by the rest of his life.

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—我歌月徘徊

Eiji is a tall man, with a thin but taut build and a tanned skin. He dresses like a civilian for the most part, except he has a dragon tattoo slithering up his arm, a preview to what’s hidden beneath his shirt: a full back tattoo that prevents him from going to public baths and hot springs. To people who don’t know him well, he often appears sour and uncooperative; but his gaze is always gentle, presenting a confusing mismatch—a person’s eyes or their expression, which one of them is safer to trust?

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With a bone structure like his, he can be considered good looking. There are women who willingly seek for his company when they catch a glimpse of his somber eyes—the women who had slept with him all told him that melancholy looks good on him. It kicks up women’s maternal instincts, one woman helpfully explained.

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What Eiji had wanted to ask but didn’t was, if he brings out maternal instincts in women, then what does he bring out in men? Because just like those women, there are also men who come to him with the sole desire of holding him in bed. And Eiji, never able to come up with a good excuse to refuse, always let them.

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—我舞影零亂

As a white-collar criminal, Eiji is nothing at all like one; his face, handsome as it is, is more pensive than intimidating; his eyes, though sharp and unwavering, are unmistakably gentle; rather than standing tall, he carries himself with a tender weariness that should ideally only belong to civilians and people much older than him.

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Gongjia told Eiji once, that a person who asks for anything is a person who admits their vulnerability. Only those who do not seek answers will remain untouched by life. Despite believing this, Eiji—deeply and unflinchingly—is the kind of person who always wants to ask questions, even if not always aloud, even if to no one.

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Eiji is a man from whom vulnerability is least expected, and yet he never once denies his moments of weakness where he can’t help but seek for answers. He is at best, a person honest to a fault; and at worst, a heartfelt fool living in a world that holds no place for heartfelt fools.