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Can you see me?

CONTENT WARNING: Death of a loved one, Emotional and Physical abuse, Survivor's guilt, Homelessness, Illness, Assault, Implied sexual assault, and mentions of sex work. He's had a bad time, please proceed with caution! [break][break]



Short Summary of Backstory[break][break]

Emile had a fairly uneventful childhood.  He grew up in a low-income family with loving parents and a little sister, Lily. Born and raised state-side; a little run-down town in Chicago.  He spent his teen years withdrawn and closeted, forming a kinship with Lily through her support and a shared secret.  His passion for art and creation only grew the more withdrawn he became.  He'd focus his college life around improving his artwork, in hopes of becoming a career artist some day.  When away at college, he fell in love with his best friend, and wishing to spend more time with him--he skipped out on attending a vacation to watch Lily and her friends.  Despite there being other adults there, no one was watching the teens, and Lily lost her life.  His parents placed the blame on him and each other.  Em accepted the blame along with the beatings and deprecation that came with it.  This worsened his already existing health conditions, and he found that his only option was to leave home. [break][break]

Still shattered from the loss, the only thing keeping Em from attempting to take his life was his best friend, Sorrel.  He provided Em a true home, with honest love.  The only one who was there for him, even going so far as to pay for Lily's funeral costs.  Despite having feelings for each other, the two men were closeted and never confessed to each other.  They were the only ones who didn't see what was going on.  Upon finding out his son had fallen for another man, Sorrel's father separated them in entirety. The apartment they shared was sold, and the father didn't allow his son to so much as say goodbye.  Em simply returned home to find that his key no longer worked.  He was suddenly homeless, and without any support system. [break][break]

Completely on his own, and too sickly to work--Emile found himself on the streets.  The man managed to keep himself fed by selling paintings and sketches, but the income barely covered food costs.  He was taken in by an unsavory man, Kiefer, in exchange for becoming his partner.  Eventually the man grew bored with Em, and kicked him out without a second thought.  After months of barely scraping by, he was approached by a man seeking applicants to work for a house of pleasure.  In his desperation, Em accepted.  He has spent the last three years as "Hydrangea" a highly sought-after courtesan for the "House of Fallen Angels".  A management change lead to a heavy decline in quality of life.  After multiple run-ins with a particularly violent client, and an accidental cry for Sorrel passing his lips, he needed to get out of the city.  He needed to get as far away as he could.  With his savings, he was able to escape to Tokyo; the first flight available when he reached the airport.  Lucky enough to form a connection within the Tsumaru; he now works as a courtesan under a particularly small sector of the crime family--using the same floral moniker. He has not had much time to recover; his only saving grace: the thorough compartmentalization that his house of pleasures helped him to develop. Given that this move was sudden, not-at-all-planned, he has been slowly learning Japanese--not yet fully fluent. He's still adjusting to life in Japan; forming bonds and living day-by-day the only way he knows how.[break][break]

Personality

Upon initially meeting Emile, outside of his work hours, the young man comes off as incredibly meek and reserved. He prefers to keep to himself and will often shrink away from others. The man is easily startled by loud noises and sudden movements, trying to avoid the crowded city streets whenever he is able to. Em can be perceived as somewhat flighty. If touched without ample warning he's likely to flinch, if not entirely pull away. He can't handle anger well in the least, the only exception being if he is working, or expecting a situation to escalate ahead of time.[break][break]


While he is shy and introverted, don't confuse him for someone who is simply bashful. The man's recent life has left him incredibly bitter and paranoid. The man is quick to become irritated, from small-talk to personal questions--he just doesn't seem like he wants to talk to anyone new. He gives off an aura similar to an obedient dog who has been kicked a few too many times. He now questions the intentions of each and every hand reaching out to him, no matter how kind they may seem. A growl in his already raspy voice and a cold, icy, stare that feels as if it could bore holes into your flesh. [break][break]



His time spent in his current career path has made him jaded towards authority figures--most notably law enforcement and politicians. He's painfully aware of how rampant corruption is in these positions, as well as how blind enforcement of the law can end up hurting the people who need protection the most. He will remain civil and do his best to comply, but he has trouble keeping his emotions in-check when he feels that the wrong party is being punished.  [break][break]


The man is almost childishly easy to upset, quick to cry, and easy to fluster. This is in-part because he is at his core, an empathetic and kindhearted person. His affection has been buried deep beneath layers of fear.  This fear may be bypassed by displays of vulnerability, as Em is more likely to fight for others than he is for himself.  He truly needs a trustworthy connection to help re-kindle his faith in others, and give him an anchor.  [break][break]

Emile is essentially a living embodiment of abandonment issues.  The man has been entirely without a support system for over a year.  When close with someone, he may become clingy or obsessive--though if he is made aware of this, he will do everything in his power to pull back.  The vast majority of his interactions in the last four years of his life have been work-related.  He is desperate for connections and affection, getting through to him is sometimes easier than he would like to think.  Those who seek to befriend him and meet the real Em rather than "Hydrangea" or the thorns he is currently using to protect himself, must be patient with him. He is in his own eyes, a completely broken-down man who has been stripped of his personhood more than once. It will take him time to recover.  The payoff of breaking through Emi's walls is seeing an entirely new side of the man, a bright and shining smile and a heart filled with love. You'll have a friend for life.  [break][break]



Em's personality while working as a courtesan is a carefully cultivated mask. He's learned over many years how to make himself into whatever sort of person a client is looking for. His mask is his survival, the performance he gives dictates whether he is thrown to a single lion--or directly into a den filled with the hungry beasts. He carries himself with grace and false confidence, a sway in his step and seduction in his voice. [break][break]


While not each and every client is a well-dressed demon, he has come to see the men and women who come to him as heartless monsters. Yet still, the man swallows his spite and willingly takes the necessary poisons to preserve what little autonomy he has outside. The man is skilled at what he does, projecting any personality that needs to be worn over his own. Work and personal life are kept strictly separate, as it should be. He's made that mistake before, and he doesn't intend to make the same mistake a second time. [break][break]

Physical Description

❀ Height: 170cm || 5'7"[break]
❀ Weight: 48kg || 105lbs[break]
❀ Eye color: Neon Blue[break]
❀ Hair color: Snow White[break]
❀ Skin tone: Sickly pale; Alabaster[break]
❀ Piercings: One piercing in his right ear; often wearing a small stud connected to an ear cuff by a light chain.[break]
❀ Tattoos: A single white lily over his heart; somewhat faded. [break]
❀ Scars: Thick, blotchy scar tissue can be found on his wrists and ankles; a case of serious rope burn gone wrong. A long, winding burn mark with a texture similar to snake scales that begins from his left ankle; coiling up the entirety of his left leg, torso, neck, and ending just under his left eye. A collection of smaller scars litter his skin; nearly impossible to see against his pale surface.[break]
❀ Glasses: Em frequently wears glasses; his go-to pair are thick glass with a circular black frame.[break][break]

Emile is the poster boy for the image of a "lavender man". His petite frame coupled with his prior neglected health paints a picture of a delicate man, a perfect fit for his family namesake. He stands at an average height for an American 5'8", though his poor posture and shrinking body language often create the illusion that he is significantly smaller.  He's underweight for his height at 115lbs, moderately malnourished--though not to the point of immediate danger.  His pale skin is nearly porcelain, making each and every movement of blood extremely vivid. It's impossible to hide when he is flushed, and any areas that retain stress--such as joints--often appear airbrushed. [break][break]


The young man's eyes are oceanic, such a vivid shade of blue that they almost look ethereal. The deep shades in his iris result in each light reflected in his eyes mimicking stars in the night sky. The man's hair only accentuates the angelic appearance, the same shade of snow white as one may find on an elderly person--all pigment stripped from it. His gentle curls framing his boyish face, it almost always appears tousled, refusing to behave itself without a great deal of effort on Emile's part. [break][break]


His doll-like visage is heavily disrupted if he's seen without makeup or a mask covering his face. He almost always has deep purple bags under his eyes, a level of exhaustion that makes him seem older than he actually is. A large textured burn scar wraps around his cheek and up towards his eye. The marking continues down the majority of his body, snaking down his torso and left leg. The only tattoo decorating the man's silken skin is a small white Lily that rests just over his heart. Likewise, the frail fellow has one single piercing on his right ear lobe, he often wears with ear-cuffs that connect to it by a chain. [break][break]



Emile's clothing choices are heavily affected by whether he is on or off the clock. When given the choice, Em prefers to wear things that are loose and soft. Over-sized button-ups, cardigans, sweaters, and pants such as leggings that don't put pressure on his stomach. If he's alone, you can often find him in a simple white button-up and his boxers. He's a creature of comfort, and would love nothing more than to lounge around in a soft nightshirt. Unfortunately, other people exist, and he'd prefer to be fully-clothed around them. The colors he wears are frequently natural. Earthy tones and gentle pastels. He has a pair of circular glasses with black frames that he sometimes wears, but more often than not--they simply live in their case. [break][break]



When he's on-the-clock, the young courtesan wears a great deal of black to contrast the paleness of his skin and help him to catch the attention of potential clients. If it weren't for his unique physical features, it would be difficult to recognize him in his call boy attire. Rather than the large sweaters that obscure every curve and dip, he wears corsets and sheer fabrics such as chiffon--advertising his youthful form. The theme of his attire changes depending on the theme of the night and the client he is trying to catch the attention of. From beautiful formal attire hiding lingerie beneath the many layers to clothing that is far from street-appropriate. His choices in dress while at work are far less about his personal choices, and far more about attracting affluent gazes.